Odd Mascots
• Written by JeffyDaRapper
JeffyDaRapper's Notes
Wow! A sequel to the RapPad Burgers article? Who woulda thought?
I mainly just wanted to write a sequel out of boredom. This could be something in Season 4, it could not. But for now, it's just part of The Extra Songs.
Uh..
Odd mascots round a lotta blocks
Odd mascots poppin' up props
Odd mascots in they Fort Knocks
Odd mascots time up in clocks
Odd mascots, unorthodox
Odd mascots worshipped as gods
Odd mascots tied up in knots
Odd mascots, a paradox
Acetylation boost makes me have a feeling
My rotten composure go up the ceiling
I don't feel like cheating, so instead I'm kneeling
"Just kill me" ha fuck naw, I leave you reeling
Yuh, stealing your passion one by one, all at a time
You'll be doin' overtime, what is this, a crime?
You'll be just in time for summertime
It's all mine, I'll be just fine, I'm dyin' for sunshine
Got a lotta wealth, yet I got nothin' to show
Swallow ego, got a lotta trophies to throw
Out the window, look how my opps fail though
I take beatings like a pro but I still stand head to toe
It's ghetto style, I'm givin you the Faux Rich Man Style
I'm falsely hostile, just a part of my lifestyle
Stuff in my apparel, put ourselves in trial
I be in denial, remember how I was homicidal?
Spin it to win it, I'm in it to win it
You're a nitwit who's a king of the toilet, fuck off w/ it
You and I are leagues separate, why don't you just quit
Vomit in bucket, I'll have riches in my casket bro
Makes me wonder how we in the same planet, ho
Keep up this racket, that's so tennis racket, faggot
Ribbit rabbit, frog and rabbit, who do you think will win, idiot?
We are odd mascots by the corner of Big Lots
Burger blocks, building rocks on top of empires' jobs
(Something strange is hiding in the "burger empire")
Odd mascots are we, we give you dirty looks
Overlook our stench, we're the crux of your crooks
(Rotten mascots look at people with hellish desire)
desire-ire-ire-ire- [audio phases out]
........................
"A recording of yesterday, #1
What I saw in the rusted recording studio was nothing short of perplexing.
Apparently, the recording studio was rusting away since 2018. The person who owned it is not fully known; however, we do know one rapper, "Wealth." The same person who founded the WealthBurger empire, that suddenly disappeared during 2023.
There was a mascot in the studio. A WealthBurger mascot. I pointed my gun at it, taking its looming presence as a sign it was about to kill me. But then, someone sliced it up from behind. Apparently, its organic body was actually sized just like its 'costume,' which I don't even want to know how that's possible-"
// Hey.
(The man who was writing that journal entry in front of the studio, is a bit spooked by the other guy sneaking up on him.)
Man: Whoa! Don't sneak up on me like that?
???: Sorry.
Man: Who are you?
???: I guess you can say that I'm a freelance investigator. You been investigating that rusted studio, right?
Man: Yeah? How'd you know?
???: This place always fascinated me, yet I'm too much of a coward to go in. Yesterday, I saw you enter here. Figured I'd say hi now.
Man: Well.. I am an investigator too. There's a reason why I'm here.
???: Oh? What's that?
Man: There is a rumor that this studio is tied to the late WealthBurger empire. My wife used to work for that place, until she died in what they called a "freak accident." And lately, there are reports of murders around this area.
???: Murders? Can't say I heard of em.
Man: It was all over the news. Any time someone was murdered around here, a faint symbol of a burger was painted with the victims' blood somewhere. I think the killer may be hiding here.. but there's something weirder going on.
???: Well I wanna join you.
Man: Why?
???: I trust you. I didn't wanna go alone, and now that you're here, I won't have to.
Man: ..alright, if you insist. I'm about to go in for further investigation.
// The two men go inside the rusty recording studio. The record player is still there, and the gruesome sight of the burger mascot corpse, no less.
???: What the FUCK is that?! That smells AWFUL!
Man: It's a.. literal burger mascot corpse. Anatomically realistic. Yes, that's exactly what it looks like.
???: How.. How??
Man: I do not know. It disturbed me a lot, similarly to you. It was about to kill me, but then someone sliced it up from behind.
???: You think that person could be the killer?
Man: I'm not quite sure. I think the burger WAS the killer, honestly.
???: I mean.. that does make sense, but who could the other guy be??
Man: That remains to be seen, sadly. We'll have to go further in the building.
// They go further in the studio. At first they don't really see anything, just a few recording rooms and abandoned items.. but then they find something in a closet.
???: Yo.. what is that?
// It's a crude, rusty robot that looks vaguely like Joseph Stalin. There is a hammer and sickle on its chest. A rotten smell emanates from it.
???: Ugh, not that smell again!
Man: Someone was stuffed in here.. This is the smell of a corpse!
???: Why the hell does it look like Joseph Stalin?
Man: More importantly, how could something like this get in here?
???: I don't know, but we found another dead body. Does Wealth still come here? Is he the killer?
Man: Well yeah, he is still alive, but after the incident that caused WealthBurger to shut down, he moved out of this area. It's highly unlikely he'd hang around here.
Man: Matter of fact.. this reminds me of another rap-related club.
???: What is it?
Man: I don't know... The name "Stalin" sounds familiar in regards to that, but I can't quite remember..
Man: But in that case, I believe that's enough for today. I need to record my findings.
???: So we exit the building then? I suppose that's where we can part ways.
Man: Yes. I may return here tomorrow, depending on the boss man's orders. I suppose if you're here next time, we can do this again.
// The two men start walking away, exiting the building.
// Meanwhile inside the closet, the rusted robot suddenly starts twitching a bit..
...: F.. FRA.. JEF.. STA... LIN... BOSS..
...I...
...I MUST.. DESTROY THEM..
DESTROY THOSE.. TWO..
// And just like that, the rusty robot seemingly shuts down...? It is now immobile again.
