never. by Austin Lance p1

never been the type to fall in love

 

i thought true love would somehow come

 

but i was young and i was dumb

 

and my heart she took as i tried to run

 

and my heart has broken

 

that's why i can't trust

 

 

 

and i've never truly felt anything other than pain

 

that's why i clutch my head, i'm pained

 

and sometimes i wanna blow out my brains and be cobain

 

and i'm so mad that you didn't stay

 

but you're the source of my pain, so maybe it was for the better

 

but i don't wanna fade away, whatever

 

and i do this every day, whatever

 

and i'm not okay, okay, whatever, uh

 

and i feel like you took a part of me

 

and i feel like you took my heart from me

 

and i feel like you keep scarrin' me

 

like, do you get off of on it? but pardon me

 

dishearten me, you as cold as cold-hearted be

 

and i'm so fucked up, you done startled me

 

and i spark a fuckin' cigarette, pain in my arteries

 

so why am i still here? i think i was too young

 

and you told me that i was too dumb, too dumb

 

that's why you took advantage of me

 

i was 17, you were 27, you damaged me, uh

 

you damaged me, i hate how this planet be

 

i stand for hours in my room pacing, pacing

 

and my mama worried as fuck, i hate this, lord, i hate it

 

and i thought we were really meant to be

 

but you were an adult and i was a minor, you see

 

and i just want you to feel how i feel

 

and how the fact i cannot fuckin' heal

 

and you let me die out, you let me bleed out

 

secrets you keep now, keep now, keep out

 

and i don't wanna tweak out, so i'll get geeked now

 

got me geeked out, you introduced me to them drugs

 

and a world of pain, so pour the champagne

 

and we can drink the fuckin' sorrows away, i'm so hollow

 

put hollows thru my fucking brains, my brains

 

and i know you want me dead in every way

 

and i guess we're not the same

 

and i guess you'll never change

 

but somethin' in my heart is tellin' me to wait

 

'cause maybe one day you'll have changed

 

but i think it's just make-believe

 

you only care 'bout the money i made or the money i make

 

'cause you want me to buy you luxuries and every damn thang

 

that you see that you like, i thought you was my bae, my babe

 

that's why i let you grab my heart, but then my heart, i saw it break

 

and i had to glue the pieces back together

 

and i realized that day i shouldn't have stayed

 

'cause you're so fucking fake, fake-fake

 

oh, yeah you're a fuckin' snake, snake, snake

 

and my love i gave, my love i gave, i guess i'm your slave

 

for eternity, hurt me internally, i'm shy externally

 

but eternally you'll have a piece of me

 

and now you're leaving me and i said to you

 

"do you believe in me, or am i dead to you?

 

like what do you see me in? what are we meant to do?

 

would you smoke weed with me" but i know you never do

 

and you let me bleed, and i never knew

 

when you said, "you're dead to me" i felt my heart break

 

and now my heart aches, it aches, it aches

 

and you let me waste away, i'm such a waste

 

a waste of space, feel on your waist

 

you took advantage of me you done damaged me

 

the damage you did will never be repaired

 

i sit here in despair but you don't care

 

i wasn't fully there, i wasn't self-aware

 

and bitch i feel like monika now i'm aware

 

and i'm still wantin' ya, but you're not there

 

and baby, i want you bad, understand that

 

and i took chances, but you have a new man, yeah

 

and that broke me, that shit broke me, that shit broke me

 

and you act like you don't know me, but girl, you owe me, yea, you owe me

 

and i'm so broken, so many emotions, yeah

 

and you didn't notice, no, you didn't notice, yeah

 

my mama said, "i told you this, you-you should know this"

 

but i didn't heed her damn fuckin' warning

 

you looked me in my eyes & said i wasn't important

 

so nowadays my love be lyin' dormant

 

and i'm not okay, no, my views distorted

 

my vision is distorting, gotta go re-record it

 

and you liked my tweets got so happy i'd record it, uh

 

and then you blocked me on twitter too

 

and you have me fucked up and so bitter, too

 

and i know i was a minor and you weren't

 

but i still can't let go, this a new verse

 

so what was the point? i put you first

 

i put you over me, bitch, you can do worse

 

and you got me fucked up, i bought you that new purse

 

and bitch, was your love true? i think not

 

and you know nowadays i just drink lots

 

and i gave you my heart and everything's gone

 

i was the one who put you on-on

 

and i got the slip knot, tie it up in a big knot

 

bitches know i slip lots, i trip lots, and things got

 

so fucked up, and i wish not

 

and i got bad thoughts 'bout what i did and did not

 

do, do, do, do, ooh

 

and bitch, it's not what i wanted, i didn't want this at all and you knew that

 

and i grabbed the glocky shot it and blew back

 

and i fucked threw up all my fuckin' food

 

i can't keep it down she said, "i'm done with you"

 

"i'm done with you" i feel the same way

 

why the fuck was i ever loving you? i don't know yet

 

and baby, i want you back, i haven't let go yet

 

and i know that you're with someone new and you paint me bad

 

and i was painting pictures 'bout how you hate me bad

 

and my heart be cold it's winter i'm hating that

 

and i don't know why the fuck you're saying that

 

and you replay it back, yea, you replay it fast

 

you fuckin' hate me bad, and lord, i hate you back

 

kill yourself, kill kill yourself, and i'll kill myself too

 

at least we agree on that

 

and we agree to disagree

 

and nowadays i smoke the weed

 

i miss my friends and family

 

but they do not want me

 

so i'm fucked up with some of my g's

 

and i pull up and smoke on trees

 

and i miss you, want you to notice me

 

but you haven't noticed me

 

and i'm just smokin' weed

 

them bitches they wanna come drill me

 

and if you hate me come kill me

 

and bitch it's cold, yeah, it's chilly

 

i feel like a king so call me Von, yeah

 

i just took your ass to saint laurent, yeah

 

bitches want me dead they want me gone, yeah

 

and i was the one who put you hoes on, yeah

 

yet you don't wanna admit that

 

and i feel like a pimp, call me slickback

 

but i miss you real bad, and you know that

 

so you take advantage and i know that

 

but i don't want my feelings to go bad

 

and i don't ever fuckin' lose

 

and these bitches they tried to steal my coupe

 

had my glock so i started to shoot-oot

 

i'ma just go and shoot at you

 

and your mans thinkin you're brand new

 

do they know what you've done to me?

 

don't you fuckin' run from me

 

i'll get my damn revenge

 

and i'll be so avenged

 

and my fists i fuckin' clench

 

bitch, i got the glock and wrench

 

we was stuck in the trench, trench

 

bitch, it's me against, against

 

you and your fuckin' friends

 

you said, "it was not my intent"

 

get so high i might ascend

 

and this is my dark descent

 

and you're only here on the weekends

 

and i want it to please end

 

but maybe in my defense

 

i was young like maybe ten

 

and you looked at me so intense

 

and you took advantage, my mom couldn't prevent

 

what happened next

 

and i guess that this is the end

 

there's no point in tryin' to defend

 

and i guess nowadays it depends

 

and fuck that, fuck your events

 

and i fucked up, i fucked up again

 

and i cannot fuckin' comprehend

 

that your love was all pretend

 

and now my ass is fuckin' benched