When the oven cleaner comes

A man is here hired to clean my oven

I'm a grimey cunt got slime on my muffins

When he turned up he didn't want to touch it

Now he's sat there crying and a scrubbin

Walk in, like "geezer what's a matter?

I can hear your sobs and what's all that banging?"

"I've tried and tried but the grease is still fucking standing"

So I toss in a hand grenade and send that cleaner packing

Now I have no house and everybody's dead

Including the neighbours, except that one kid

Got knocked out by the kitchen bin lid

I'm not even singing this it's all in your head

 

My dog's search history is looking kinda sussy,

It reads, Cat fights showing fluffy pussy.

I try to confront him, all he does is cuss me,

Hides in his room and continues busting.

 

I can't stop him, this dog's a menace,

Caught him side-eyeing me when I asked where my pen is.

His eyes dropped down as he said, "I've put it in my anus,"

Apparently didn't want me to lose it —

Told me, "It's not a fetish."

 

Damn my raps are getting more and more absurd

From blowing up an oven to fucking a disabled bird

It's probably true, all the things that you have heard

But I didn't use my penis, I used a condom filled with turd