heavy emotions

i feel like im floating with this beat

or maybe its because im fried i dont know

but ive been thinking a lot and there's somethings i need to write down

took a while to realize it but i know now

0:26

i dont want my siblings to grow up like me

i guess that's a reflection of my insecurities

i guess what im trying to say is i dont like me

and when people act like me it irritates me

that's probably why i got a lot of anxiety

if i start popping pills where would i be?

addicted to some other substance, probably

i tried to be someone else and i regret it heavy

like looking in a mirror and you dont know who you see

 

someone said to me a friend to all is a friend to none

and that hit me like a bullet, but i didnt show it

maybe it hurt more because deep down i knew it

that all these bum bitches are fake as shit

but i didnt know what to do with it

i just held it in and sat with it

 

sitting for a while and thought about it

im always there for somebody but whos there for me?

maybe its because no one takes me seriously

i laugh it off but its not funny

but i do it all because of what my mom told me

keep your friends close but your ops even closer

and thats why im keeping u close like kosher

thats why your stuck to me like gorilla glue

thats why i know all the facts about you

because i can see through the lies you told me and the crew

 

when i smoke a spliff it dont get me fried no more

its not the same feeling as before,

before trusting someone felt like a fantasy

before people started loving the idea of me

before i could cry so easily

 

but now its just smoke in the air

but the feelings still there

losing my mind, thats something rare

sit next to me, ill pull out a chair

we need to talk about somethings,

clear out the air

but theres a lotta thoughts i dont share

 

like how i wanted to go pro and be somebody

but the smoke in my lungs changed my mentality

clouding my vision of who i should be,

dreams should come true

but life be rude, not caring about what you wanna do

if i wanted to end it all right now who would i go to?

funny how i got everybody but nobody would come thru

 

funny how you said you loved me too

like i would go running after you

like how you thought i would waste my energy on you

bro i dont even have the energy to go to school

 

i quit everything i loved just because of it

and then i wonder why i get depressed at the thought of it

overthinking everything im going through

thats why i put it down pen to paper and say fuck it

 

i just wanted some clarity

i just hope someone can relate to me

but then again i wouldn't wish this on my greatest enemy