POEM (Rewritten) - When I Die

When I die, I don’t want a funeral

I don’t want a meaningless array, of things you all “wanted to say”

That you never said to my face not during one single day when I was alive

I spent time being wise, with others asking for my valuable advice

Because they know I’ll articulate in a way that’s extremely precise and also, I never lie

Everyone I knew erased me and disgraced me, not once did they ever embrace me

Just shamed me, made me a target then vehemently aimed at me

The flame I keep causes pain that seeps and stains my sleeves with blood.

So, when I die, I don’t want a funeral.

I don’t want that mediocre speech, you can save it all in fact please,

None of your cliches or theories, when my life was a simply tragic series so I insist,

That you keep it concrete if I supposedly mean a damn thing to you or I’ll scream.

Because it seems to me everybody is only my friend if it benefits them, if it leaks

Excellence to them but no evidence to them when they kill me with their words

So save it, brave it, don’t speak on my death like you loved me and it hurts

So when I die, no, I don’t want a funeral

I don’t care for a display of emotions that are fake, acting like my death was a mistake

But not a soul never stayed when I told you how much my heart ached, and realistically,

I should not expect those people to kindly behave when I was raised in such ways

That cause me to over-explain like a moron and make me feel weird and strange

Even when I’m polite, honest and it’s valid I’m still told I just act deranged, and so,

When I die, I don’t want a funeral

Because not once did I feel safe, like I ever had a place to escape to

When I needed it the most and was faced with the host my fate almost served

Because I’m almost certainly cursed…

Not once did I have a place to escape to…

To run straight to… that I never had to hesitate through

You all left my on my own and the loyalties have been shown to me

It’s not closure it’s not meaningful to me and it’s not necessary, so

When I die, I don’t want a funeral.

If you respect me you’d also respect my preference, at least I would hope

But, “hope is a fools game” was one of many of my quotes,

If you feel a need to honour knowing me then smoke weed in some scenic clothes

Because the concept of me ever wanting the the hot seat is a hoax,

And beyond the mortal coil I’m not a guardian angel, I’m just a not so friendly ghost

A spirit floating and hosting the tension of attempting a lifetime of composure,

So when I die, I don’t want a funeral.

I don’t want my death to get you a week off work or studies,

Maybe help you pull some honeys, general clout chasing behaviour that gets you little buddies

And besides your brownie points that service just ain’t worth the money,

I don’t care for it I’m not there for it especially if I’m six feet under and I want to swear on it

That if you don’t obey this wish and make a spectacle of it I will motherfucking haunt you.

Like a rare onyx amongst pebbles, and I am just a rock, so

When I die,

I don’t want a funeral.