Fuck Leeston

Oh, I took a trip down Leeston way,

Where the cows outnumber folks each day,

Main Street’s cracking, shops falling apart,

Even the birds look bored in the park.

 

The rugby club? Mate, what a joke,

Drop the ball before the whistle’s blown,

Half the team’s still at the pub,

Celebrating losses with a Leeston shrug.

 

Leeston, Leeston, what a dumpy sight,

Old brick walls and no streetlight,

Rusty roofs and a public loo,

Even Google Maps says, “pass on through!”

 

The locals wave from rusty utes,

Wearing gumboots and stained old suits,

They gossip hard at the fish ‘n’ chip,

While the town hall crumbles bit by bit.

 

Mismatched houses, paint peeled thin,

“Historic charm” or just wearing thin?

A town so slow, the clock gave up,

Even the stray dogs look fed-up.

 

Leeston, Leeston, where dreams go flat,

Where rugby’s rough but skills fall flat,

Old boys drinking under cracked bar signs,

Leeston, you’re a time warp in decline!

 

So here’s to you, oh Leeston dear,

The quirkiest dump from far to near,

We roast you hard but love you still,

You’re the strangest jewel in Canterbury’s hills!