Fade Away

It's being a long time since I been here

The truth is I haven't been well,

Got a lot of stuff on my mind

Being battling some demons in me,

 

 

Lately, it's been feeling like my world is crumbling,

And I'm trying so hard to hold it together,

Don't wanna tell anyone, because it feels attention grabbing,

Lot of stuff racing through my mind,

And I'm tryna keep it together,

My mind is messed up, maybe I should just end it,

I know I promised myself never to touch the knife,

But how long can I hold on???

 

People tell me I'm so positive, and that I have a good vibe

If only they know...

Thought I had it altogether,

I felt I was finally healing,

But it seems to not be the fucking case

 

 

I'm tired of telling everyone I'm fine,

When I'm not.

Things are crumbling around me,

My life is in shambles,

I can't even pinpoint the exact point of the heartache,

Feels like every problem I've ever had decided to crowd in on me,

 

 

Everything feels suffocating,

I can't stand crowds, even when I'm alone I still feel so crowded,

I isolate myself, try to reduce my contact with people,

And then I feel so lonely, so fucking lonely,

 

And I'm so confused, what the fuck do I do???

I don't know what to do anymore!!

I give up, goddamn it, it is fucking unbearable,

I can't even cry...

It's like my feelings are playing with me,

 

Christmas is coming, a time of cheer,

But I'm drowning in sorrow, year after year.

I'm probably gonna tell everyone that I'll have a good time,

But I know I'm not.

 

I try to be there for other people, I comfort them,

But what about me??

 

Someone once pointed out to me,

"Your raps are so sad"

Why not??? My life is so sad,

Happiness seems fleeting...

 

 

I've been trying to hold on, for my lil sis, I don't want her to suffer alone,

for my friends here, for my best friend, Coh, I know I promised you, that I'll try to be better, and I did try.

I do try to be brave,

But the weight... I'm starting to cave

Ambitions and dreams fading away

Trapped in this nightmare day by day

 

I give up,

I don't wanna die, but I don't wanna live either,

I don't want to stay in this state of confusion, and bitterness,

The devil wanna mess me up, fuck it, take me already,

Why torture me like this????

Just end it, I'll probably rot in hell...

 

 

I feel myself fading away, slipping into the emotional void

Music, my only solace, now destroyed

I can't feel it anymore,

I'm scared... I am so scared,

 

It is dark, so dark,

Help me, please...

I'm fading, It is too much,

Take me now, and let all this end...