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Lyrical Analysis of...

Calls Himself a Soldier [SKIT]

  1. //At the SML house, Mario is sitting at the red couch until Jeffy enters.
  2.  
  3. Jeffy: Hey uh, daddy?
  4. Mario: What is it, Jeffy?
  5. Jeffy: Do you know where I can put my huge stack of a million cash?
  6. Mario: ..Jeffy, you do not have a million cash laying around.
  7. Jeffy: Yes I do! I self published my recent rap songs, and they were the hottest shit out there!
  8. Mario: Jeffy, there's NO way that your rap songs sold for that much money, let alone a million.
  9. Jeffy: Actually, it's 10 million. I got 1/10th of it. Pretty dope.
  10. Mario: ..why??
  11. Jeffy: The website wanted a big cut of it for some reason, but I still got a million dollars.
  12.  
  13. Mario: So uh.. you really do have a million dollars?
  14. Jeffy: Yeah, I just dumped it downstairs.
  15. Mario: Where?
  16. Jeffy: The kitchen floor. It was so heavy, and I was hungry, so I dropped it off.
  17. Mario: Oh.. That's great, Jeffy!..
  18.  
  19. Mario whispers: Holy shit, Chef Pee Pee's gonna cash in and quit his job.
  20. Jeffy: What was that?
  21. Mario: Oh, nothing, just mumbling to myself
  22.  
  23. (A knock on the door..)
  24.  
  25. Mario: Who's at the door?
  26. Jeffy: I don't even know.
  27. Mario: Well, I'm just gonna answer it, I guess.
  28. Jeffy: Well alright.
  29.  
  30. //Mario goes downstairs and opens the door to see Seth and StalinsSoldier.
  31.  
  32. Mario: Uh.. hello?
  33. SS: Where is Jeffy at?
  34. Mario: Jeffy?
  35. SS: Yeah!
  36. Mario: Who are you? Wh Why do you want to see Jeffy?
  37. SS: Because he's a fucking bum!
  38.  
  39. Seth: Yeah, ya see, sir, this kid entered the rap battle arena, against this guy named Fordorn, and he dropped some wack shit. Fordorn forfeited out of pity, and now Mr. Solder is pissed off.
  40. Mario: Why? What are you gonna do?
  41. SS: Because Fordorn broke the fucking rules, that's what! We are here to return the favor.
  42. Mario: How, even??
  43. SS: By tearing his ass up with bars!
  44. Seth: Yeah.. that's the gist of it.
  45.  
  46. Mario: You guys aren't going to shoot him, right? Or frame him for a crime?
  47. SS: What? No! Man, white people gotta worry about everything!
  48. Mario: But sir..
  49. SS: Hm?
  50. Mario: You're white though..
  51. SS: Oh, nono, you see, I'm from the UK, but I identify as Russian.
  52. Mario: ..What?
  53. SS: Yeah, those damn white people spilled all our tea years ago, and now I'm Stalin's soldier.
  54.  
  55. Mario: ???
  56. Seth: I'd just roll with it, man. We won't hurt Jeffy, just bring him here to get this over with.
  57. Mario: Ugh, fine. JEFFY, the rap battle hosts are here to see you!
  58.  
  59. //Jeffy hears that upstairs.
  60.  
  61. Jeffy: (Oh shizkabob, I gotta put on my rapper outfit!)
  62.  
  63. Jeffy: In a minute!!
  64.  
  65. //Mario hears that from upstairs.
  66.  
  67. Mario: He says he'll be a minute.
  68. Seth: Alright.
  69. SS: ..Whatever.
  70.  
  71. //Few minutes later, J Fee comes down to greet Seth and SS.
  72.  
  73. J Fee: D N AAAAAAA, what's up assplappers?
  74. SS: Ah, so YOU'RE the dipshit who messed up the rap battle, ey?
  75. J Fee: I didn't mess it up. I WON.
  76. SS: So that's what you believe, fool?
  77. Seth: Yeah, actually kid, Fordorn decided to forfeit for your sake. Now Mr. Soldier is mad.
  78. J Fee: What are y'all fake gangstas going to do?
  79. Mario: ..Jeffy, I would not insult these people..
  80.  
  81. SS: WELL kid, on behalf of my club, I want to correct this mistake and drop the freshest bars imaginable on your ass.
  82. J Fee: Then bring it, faggot.
  83. SS: Wh ..WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?
  84. J Fee: Faggot.
  85. Mario: Jeffy!
  86.  
  87. Seth: This kid got balls. I like that.
  88. SS: You idiot.. You have awakened the beast! Time to tear you a new one!
  89.  
  90. *ahem*...
  91.  
  92. Russia is our sacred state,
  93. Russia is our beloved country.
  94. A mighty will, great glory –
  95. Your dignity for all time!
  96.  
  97. Be glorified, our free Fatherland,
  98. The age old union of fraternal peoples,
  99. Ancestor given wisdom of the people!
  100. Be glorified, country! We are proud of you!
  101.  
  102. //A few more minutes of singing the Russian National Anthem later...
  103.  
  104. SS: ..so kid? How'd you like it? How'd you like being embarrassed to your very core?
  105. J Fee: ...
  106. Mario: ..Jeffy?
  107.  
  108. ...
  109.  
  110. J Fee: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
  111.  
  112. //Jeffy starts crying and going upstairs.
  113.  
  114. Seth: Huh. Okay.
  115. SS: Haha, yeah, cry motherfucker!
  116. Mario: Wh Jeffy, come back!
  117.  
  118. (Mario runs after him.)
  119. SS: That'll teach ya never to walk in my club again!
  120.  
  121. //Jeffy is sniffling upstairs.
  122.  
  123. Mario: Jeffy, why are you crying??
  124. Jeffy: Because.. because..
  125. Mario: Jeffy, he didn't even spit bars or whatever. It's just the Russian anthem..
  126. Jeffy: No, because.. hearing that shit brought back bad memories of the Gulag labor camps..
  127. Mario: ..the what?
  128. Jeffy: The grueling work.. nothing to remind me of loved ones.. little to no food, harsh conditions.. When he praised the same country that did all of that, it was a heavy hitter..
  129. Mario: Jeffy.. what are you saying? You weren't even there.
  130. Jeffy: I have memories of past lives.
  131.  
  132. Mario: Well uh, anyway.. what are you gonna do now?
  133. Jeffy: What else?
  134. Mario: ..What else what?
  135. Jeffy: Nothing else! I gotta get REVENGE...
  136.  
  137. //TO BE CONTINUED...

Lyrics added by JeffyDaRapper

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