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Jeffy Attempts to Join X-Factor - PART 2
- “Life has been good.
- Ever since I joined X Factor, I’ve been raising enough funds to last me months, and I didn’t even have to raise a finger! Or any limb at all.
- Hell, y’all don’t have any idea how easy it has been for me. It would put the lifestyles of billionaires like Elon Musk to shame. I like to think so, anyway.
- After all.. being humble is always the next best step.”
- //The scene immediately cuts to J Fee, fat, sitting on his ass in the lounge room of X Factor headquarters, eating cheerios. He is watching the new Godzilla movie, with the hit new villain, Thicc Bowser.
- Thicc Bowser: You think u tuff, Godzilla? You’ll NEVA be as thicc as me!
- Godzilla: (roars)
- (Thicc Bowser slaps his ass, which makes fireballs fart out of his anus, destroying an entire museum.)
- Thicc Bowser: Bet you can’t do that shit!
- (Meanwhile, Mario is watching from afar, with clear intent.)
- Mario: Damn. That nigga can fart.
- //J Fee is enjoying peak entertainment when Pimpster Goomba comes into the room. J Fee doesn’t even notice him while he continues eating his cheerios.
- Pimpster Goomba: Jeffy.. It’s me, PG.
- J Fee: Yeah, how u doin’..
- (J Fee shoves even more cheerios in his mouth.)
- Pimpster Goomba: Uh.. fine, but J Fee, I keep hearing complaints from the other members here about you not actually doing anything.
- J Fee: Because I am. I’m awesome just by existing.
- Pimpster Goomba: Yeah, but you haven’t even been supporting anyone’s new releases. Not even WMX’s new track.
- J Fee: Nah, I did it.
- Pimpster Goomba: You did? How?
- J Fee: I did it in my head, so I did it. Now leave me be, this is the good part!
- Pimpster Goomba: Is.. that Godzilla: Age of the Thicc?
- J Fee: Yup. It’s really gassy.
- Pimpster Goomba: Well, here’s the thing. You may not be able to sit here, in this comfortable lounge room, any longer.
- J Fee: Why? (shoves more cheerios in his mouth)
- Pimpster Goomba: They’re planning to kick you out.
- (J Fee spits out his cheerios.)
- J Fee: WHAT?
- Pimpster Goomba: Yeah, if you don’t release something right now, they’ll kick you out. And they gonna take all the funds you’ve been hoarding away, that you haven’t used.
- J Fee: Oh hell no! Let’s go back to the studio; I gotta drop the spiciest load of all time!
- (J Fee runs out of the room.)
- Pimpster Goomba: Hopefully not a literal load..
- (PG walks out after him.)
- //Later..
- do you want to know how i bomb children? (x4)
- do you want to know how i bomb children? (x4)
- (hamas is several small ants beneath my feet [x4])
- DO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I BOMB CHILDREN (x8)
- it’s so great to be in the IDF
- running from legitimate problems!
- we strive for pure illegitimacy
- but don’t you tell em that, YEAAH
- no wonder we all don’t give an F
- our grades were already in the bottoms
- flunked morality class, don’t give a rat’s ass
- about no one’s hearts but OURS, YEAAAH
- do you really think you deserve to live?
- because from what the law is telling me, you’re a liability!
- so don’t take it personally, i’ll take you out of your misserryyyy..
- maybe yahweh will recycle your soul!
- we should’ve killed you all years agooo
- but that would make us no different than the group that threatened our lives
- all those sour years, are we reaping what they sew?
- it’s okay if it’s under the guise of war!
- benjamin netanyahu…
- breaking bennnnjaaamiiiin…
- do you want to know how i bomb children? (x3)
- DO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I BOMB CHILDREN
- (oh boy, because i sure as hell wanna!)
- do you want to know how i bomb children? (x2)
- I DON’T CARE IF YOU DIDN’T ASK
- GOVERNMENT MANDATED GAASS
- //During the last bit of the “beat,” J Fee is seen breakdancing, and then the beat ends before it is supposed to loop.
- J Fee: DOWN WITH ISRAEL! WOOOOOOOOO!
- //J Fee looks at the crowd in the HQ, expecting them to cheer.
- J Fee: So uh.. whaddya think?
- GenXjeezy: It’s trash.
- J Fee: ..what?
- King_Criminal: Bro do you even know what rap is? Like.. you rapping about IDF is ridiculous. How is anyone gonna relate to that shit?
- J Fee: What do you mean? It doesn’t have to; it’s a parody.
- WMX: Retard, do you think we want this type of trash in our group? This does not scream rap culture at all.
- GenXjeezy: Yeah, everyone knows that you must rap about the hoes, the drugs, the struggles, the faggots, the crossdressers, whatever the general populace can relate to.
- King_Criminal: Also what kind of fucking beats you using? That’s from a video game. Use actual beats.
- GenXjeezy: J Fee, I hereby excommunicate you from this group. The funds you haven’t spent yet will go back to us. Grab your stuff and get the fuck out of our building.
- //J Fee is seen with his luggage, outside the HQ, and with PG.
- Pimpster Goomba: Well J Fee, sorry you had to get kicked out, but yeah, you had it coming, not gonna lie.
- J Fee: Yeah. Lesson learned.
- Pimpster Goomba: So.. you gonna come back to the studio now?
- J Fee: No, I’m done for the day. I’m gonna use my spare money to head to the bar.
- Pimpster Goomba: Alright then.. Should I come with you?
- J Fee: Nah.
- Pimpster Goomba: Aight, cya..
- //PG and J Fee go their separate ways. And then an hour later, in the bar, J Fee has finished drinking his second beer. The bartender walks by.
- Bart T. Ender: Another one?
- J Fee: Yes, please.
- //The bartender takes the cup, fills it with beer, and hands it back to J Fee. He takes his first sip of it.
- “Funny how hours ago, I was raising funds. Now I lost over half of my income. It’s like the line in the graph came crashing down, so much so that even the numbers be breaking.
- Breaking like a buncha broke numbuhs…”
- //THE END
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