BUILDING BLUEPRINT
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Lyrical Analysis of...
Access Denied
- //Spoken [0:15]
- I’m not addicted
- I’m regulated
- I don’t remember who I was…
- //Verse 1 [0:22]
- Come on now man I’m fine, please don’t worry about me this time
- Just black spots in my sight, can’t see straight, why am I shaking, why do I rhyme
- Don’t tell anyone shit, you don’t know what’s mine or what’s on my mind
- Swear I’ll be doing just fine, yeah I say it like I’m not lying
- My mind is racing because of you, gnaw at myself till I split into two
- Tell myself this is a phase, but every second it’s ripping me new
- Veins screaming, heart beating, hammering like a runaway train
- Pressure building in my skull, every thought amplifies pain
- This shit can crawl, now look, my brain’s cracking inside of my head
- Hazy and dizzy, thoughts spinning, everything’s loud but it’s not dead
- Loud like alarms in my chest, no silence or form of rest
- Fuck, my breath is getting short, hands numb, heart beating in my neck
- I keep saying I’m good but my body keeps calling the bluff
- Acting calm while inside I’m collapsing, it’s all getting rough
- They don’t got a damn clue what this thing really does to my head
- Call it dramatic or lazy, fuck them, they don’t hear what I said
- But you’d get it undoubtedly and feel it without explanation
- Same panic and pull, same quiet devastation
- I pace in circles, wear paths in the floor where I stand
- Phone lights up, heart jumps, then it drops out my hands
- Access denied, right there but locked from within
- This isn’t desire, it’s survival wearing a mask
- Like holding my breath and pretending it’s not that bad
- Close enough to touch it, still locked on the outside
- Smiling through it while everything inside me divides
- //Verse 2 [0:00]
- Before you judge me maybe look at what I’ve been through
- There’s nobody I’ve ever met wired quite this fucking loose
- People don’t even want me here no more, and that’s the truth
- I was never meant to fit inside the mold they assume
- Learned real quick in the shit where the walls learned my name
- Figured out how to smile through pressure and permanent pain
- You hear my tone and think I’m cruel or deranged
- You didn’t live where love and danger were basically the same
- I don’t explain myself, I bite back and breathe
- This mind’s a locked room full of things you don’t see
- I’m calm on the surface but I’m wired underneath
- Don’t ask why I need it if you’ve never been me
- Access denied, right there I can feel it but can’t reach
- Every second stretching tighter than the shit I try to breach
- My pulse is racing, thoughts keep twisting in my skull
- Not what I want, survival pounding out of control
- Access denied again, same wall, same tease
- Same pull in my chest like it’s dragging me deep
- This isn’t drama, fuck no, this is chemistry gone wrong
- When the thing that keeps you steady gets removed too long
- It's not a habit, more like a lifeline, something vital that I'm missing
- Like breathing underwater while I swear I'm still existing
- Maybe I inherited the fire, I don’t flinch or fold
- If you can’t hear it in my voice, know I was raised in the cold
- If this shit sounds dangerous, that’s cause it probably is
- Every second locked away locks my mind like this
- I don’t need sympathy anymore, I need a cure
- I need access restored or I’m going to fracture for sure
- Still standing but still shaking, still acting composed
- With a substance on my mind that I’m not allowed close
- Access denied, every thought ignites my veins like gunpowder
- Every second I don’t touch it another piece of me goes under
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