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Spam (parody of "Stan" by Eminem)

  1. Our cans are leaving stock, buy ‘em now
  2. They’re in a 50% off deal
  3. More than you can get from Amazon
  4. But you won’t dare to steal
  5. And even if you did, we ripped you off
  6. The can isn’t real
  7. People, buy your spam 50% off now
  8. Or they will disappear
  9.  
  10. Dear Lance, I know you’re the CEO
  11. But I bought some spam for my little brother Pedro
  12. It’s all empty and the can is plastic
  13. I bought it for $50 and some chapstick!
  14. Then the store clerk said I gotta tip
  15. In a damn store &there are no figs
  16. The spam’s all expired and rotten
  17. Or… at least from what I saw and
  18. I couldn’t even buy a pack of Doritos without some mold
  19. Then I called customer service and they just put me on hold!
  20. Your business needs to get itself together or I’m suing
  21. Along with my neighbor, his name is Suen
  22. And I’m shutting down your place, shutting down your face
  23. And telling everyone to call your “store” a disgrace
  24. So do you want your business ruined or have to pay money?
  25. Here’s a thought to think about, it’s funny
  26. An angry customer, the name is Dan
  27.  
  28. Our cans are leaving stock, buy ‘em now
  29. They’re in a 50% off deal
  30. More than you can get from Amazon
  31. But you won’t dare to steal
  32. And even if you did, we ripped you off
  33. The can isn’t real
  34. People, buy your spam 50% off now
  35. Or they will disappear
  36.  
  37. Dear Lance, I knew you’re busy as I am
  38. And I’m not mad
  39. I just think it’s messed up you can’t make good spam
  40. It’s been 20 years man, and nothing has changed
  41. I sent a letter a week ago and you’ve stayed the same
  42. So if you don’t wanna send back, you don’t have to
  43. But poisoning children? Man, it seems like your virtue
  44. I got a complaint from my neighbor Pam
  45. Who said they got rotten, warm and moldy spam
  46. It was pre cooked pre processed and pre packaged
  47. Yet her cousin died because he ate your cabbage
  48. See, we’re similar, we both want money and we’re keen to get it
  49. But I wouldn’t rip you off just like you did
  50. You’re commercial is wrong and people are fooled by it
  51. So you’re motives are despicable as is
  52. And what makes it worse is you don’t respond
  53. The FDA doesn’t care nor does people who think fond
  54. And me and Pedro was out in the blistering cold
  55. And you just rejected us and closed the door
  56. I should’ve threw your liquid spam straight at your place
  57. And told the guy next to me to punch your face
  58. This is warning 2 or I’m suing
  59. An angry customer, Dan
  60. P.S. you’ll be hearing from my attorneys soon
  61.  
  62. Our cans are leaving stock, buy ‘em now
  63. They’re in a 50% off deal
  64. More than you can get from Amazon
  65. But you won’t dare to steal
  66. And even if you did, we ripped you off
  67. The can isn’t real
  68. People, buy your spam 50% off now
  69. Or they will disappear
  70.  
  71. Dear Lance I swear to god, I’m on my way to the courthouse
  72. And I swear you’ll lose it and say no like Amy Winehouse
  73. And I’m on my way right now to shut your place down
  74. You haven’t responded for a month now
  75. And to everyone else you just said “no”
  76. Even though one kid got frostbite in your artificial snow
  77. I’m angry as heck and I don’t deserve it
  78. So either come to the courthouse or ask one of your employees to
  79. Do something
  80. And sit on your chair that’s rumbling
  81. In your rich dollar sign room and you hummin’
  82. Watching TV and sayin’ nothing
  83. While people suffer and die, I’m mad you ain’t got any lawsuits
  84. So I filed one
  85. And it’s because someone got tibia infections on those tall boots
  86. Say, you know that one time when Shein got caught lying
  87. They’re sweatshops were hot, and they’re employees dreamed of
  88. Flying
  89. It’s kinda like this
  90. You could’ve chose to not pay money, I would’ve let you
  91. But you could’ve paid those families, so I don’t respect you
  92. I swear once I come home I’ll send this out
  93. And it’ll be an explanation and proof at the courthouse
  94. Yeah
  95.  
  96. Our cans are leaving stock, buy ‘em now
  97. They’re in a 50% off deal
  98. More than you can get from Amazon
  99. But you won’t dare to steal
  100. And even if you did, we ripped you off
  101. The can isn’t real
  102. People, buy your spam 50% off now
  103. Or they will disappear
  104.  
  105. Dear Dan, Hey it’s Lance
  106. It’s your last idol
  107. And I know our spam’s rotten and our food ain’t vital
  108. This is right before the court, this is right before I get arrested
  109. And my whole business goes with it, man I’m being tested
  110. I’m sorry I couldn’t get back to you or nothing
  111. The whole town thinks I’m a rich CEO who eats mutton
  112. And that’s the truth, what? You thought I was gonna say something
  113. But all my insults are just the same, “glutton”
  114. I’m sorry this business is kinda a flop
  115. And people agree about it
  116. And I lied 20 years ago and we keep about it
  117. ‘Cause people follow it
  118. They buy our snow globes thinking they’re real
  119. When they’re really made of Carbon Dioxide
  120. I heard ‘bout one kid who got sick ‘cause of our fake eel
  121. He thought it was real
  122. So he put it down his throat, to see how it would feel
  123. And the mom defended him like a seal
  124. That boy was fine, he made it up to seem real
  125. Anyways, our spam is disgusting, but people still buy it
  126. And then the eggs, which was pre dyed red
  127. And everytime I couldn’t make a pre order
  128. I apologized to them and gave them every last quarter
  129. So customer service here to support you
  130. It’s your most hated fan, it’s Lance
  131.  
  132. Our cans are leaving stock, buy ‘em now
  133. They’re in a 50% off deal
  134. More than you can get from Amazon
  135. But you won’t dare to steal
  136. And even if you did, we ripped you off
  137. The can isn’t real
  138. People, buy your spam 50% off now
  139. Or they will disappear

Lyrics added by KO-Doomzday

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RHYME DENSITY

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RHYME LENGTH

1 syllable
2 syllables
3 syllables
4 syllables
5+ syllables
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