DEFENDER'S RAP

• listen I don't know if you're going to get this letter or not
• but I'm only giving this one last shot
• I've been giving it some thought and I've been pondering a lot
• I guess I'll give this all that I got
•  
• you probably changed your address or maybe I'm just someone you forgot
• I’m 16 now, I'm using my talent to express myself
• but I'm still pretty bad when it comes to keeping a stable mental health
• like it just seems like depression has got this stealth
• and it's been sneaking up on me since I was twelve
• sometimes, I don't understand myself
• like I'll just start feeling sad for no reason
• and everybody in my life is leavin'
• so I'm feelin depressed during the holiday season
• and I'm getting torn up and ripped apart by my inner demon
• my mind is committing treason
• my body it’s Deceivin'
• I know we don't really talk but I'm still your son
• when I was young there was a person missing from my life and you were that someone
• dad why did you have to run
• like what was your reason for Poppin out the semen and then leavin'
• but anyway how are you, there are a few questions that are due
• It's just I have been trying to find ways to bring them up to you
• dad do you ever wonder what could've been if you didn't leave
• cause I believe that life would be different and I wouldn't feel like a dog being held by depression's leash
• while I'm writing this letter I'm wiping away my tears onto my sleeve
• a father and son relationship is what I want to achieve
• but that cannot happen until fatherly love is something I receive
• come on dad, I'm here begging on my knees
• please give me some happy father memories
• nowadays when kids ask me about you I just freeze
• my palms I squeeze
• trying not to let them see me crying my eyes out over some dude who left 15 years ago
• dad, I've been feeling like a failure
• and I've been sending prayer after prayer
• wondering why my creator and my savior arent doing me one tiny little favor
• and answering my question of why I only feel alive when I'm cutting with that razor
• I've got some problems and they are major
• I might just kill myself later
•  
•  
• listen I don't know if you're going to get this letter or not
• but I'm only giving this one last shot
• I've been giving it some thought and I've been pondering a lot
• I guess I'll give this all that I got
• yeah
• listen I don't know if you're going to get this letter or not
• but I'm only giving this one last shot
• I've been giving it some thought and I've been pondering a lot
• I guess I'll give this all that I got
•  
• last night I was smoking some pot and talking to god
• putting him on the spot asking him, doesn't it feel odd
• that I'm living a facade
• dad, why you left is a mystery unsolved
• I just wish that all these problems in my mind could be resolved
• and I'm not pressuring you but when it comes to my life I just wish you were involved
•  
•  
• listen I don't know if you're going to get this letter or not
• but I'm only giving this one last shot
• I've been giving it some thought and I've been pondering a lot
• I guess I'll give this all that I got
•  
•  
• they won't even tell me your name
• all I want is some closure
• but I'm not getting any closer
• and I keep getting older
• I know I'm not moving in the right direction because I keep on getting colder
• and I wish I could say that while writing this that I am sober
• And I can only wonder
• my dad, who is he
• left my mom for another lover
• I could possibly have a half brother
• don't know my godmother
• let alone my grandmother
• and, if you were planning on making me suffer
• then you should've just saved yourself the time and me the pain, and wore some rubber