Cold..

I woke up again in tears ptsd not breathing.

Pain-ic attack kicks in as my hearts faster beating, like its gonna busrt out my seems and ima die out bleeding.

I scream for a second to realease the anguish and it hurts so bad I can't even fathom what the pain is.

It doesn't make me feel any different the veils so thick and I'm to weak to uplift it.

Knees weak like spaghetti as I'm losing my noodle, reading eulogies feels like its also my funeral.

I think of how I wanna smack you til you wake up, one day at a time we still thought we were safe huh?

But when Grim knocks and its tine to reap what we sow all we can do is hope we left seeds that can grow.

I try to reach within and pull my pieces back together shattered in a billion cuts leaving my heart strings severed.

Use to play like a harp now it just dangles, all mixed up and knotted with tangles.

I felt the darkness spread webs into my veins, sucked every breath I had and only a shell remains.

I try to pull together threads stitch me back to, but everytime I get it right, I end up coming unglued.

Never prepared cuz there is no preparation, when destruction falls heavy debris left lacerations.

I can't cope but I can't, unpromise what I said I just dont understand.

What will I do when your gone?

How Am I suppose to carry on?

Who will tell me when I'm wrong?

How Am I gonna stay strong?

I can't even speak, everything's so bleak, now without you there is no longer a me, it was always us like RnB, you were always the bars protecring my heartbeat.

Never will I ever be the same, since I lost you I may as well erase my name, cut every picture of me outta life's frame, but then I think wondering what would you say.

Id breathe my last breath into, if I could bring life back into you.

Everyday waking up wishing I didn't sleep, cuz now every dream is a twist of my memory, shoving the blade back into my history, I just wanna freak out but not like anyones listening.

I needed you still need, now it means what? Your not here to see, so now theres only one empty pod an no peas, cold wind came we thought turned out it was a freeze.