Love 'em enough to let 'em go

I remember a time when I wanted to see the world burn.

The time when my heart and soul were torn from me, forming an empty shell.

I remember the times when I wanted to see bodies burned than turn and face the hurt.

I was so scorned that I refused to mourn and think a thought.

I just wanted to see an onslaught. Something that represented the demons I was engaging with in my own combat zone.

I was a war drone prone to hurting other people for what I believed to be the greater good.

Call it collateral damage. I wanted a way out of this state that I created because I wanted to see fallout.

For what? Because of a problem I helped create and had a chance to erase yet I never saw it as a problem.

I'm still haunted that I let this person into my life and they continued to hurt me and I let it happen.

I mean, a mistake is a mistake right? It happens. That's why we have takes 2,3,4 and 5 why oh, why did it happen a fifth time?.

They made me so happy and strung me on and strung my heart strings like a guitar while I played along.

And I know this is wrong, I know it isn't right but I can't help but beat myself up thinking that if I could go back to that night, I could make it right.

And some nights i stay up staring at the night sky wondering "did I do it right?" I can't help but still love this person no matter how much hurt they've caused.

I know it's wrong but once you love someone that love can't be lost or broken.

Or brokered with because unlike a poker Chip it holds no monetary value.

I learned how to let go of the feelings of hatred for the world for something I did to shape my own fate.

In the end I followed the number one rule, you gotta love 'em enough to let 'em go.