DEAR LOYALISTS - Laurens The Mob...

DEAR LOYALISTS - Laurens The Mobster(Loyalists Diss Track)

(John Laurens Rapping Parody)

Set August 26, 1782

 

Dear Loyalists, fuck those bums, they can’t even run their own place.

These muhfuckas think this shit a game show, well the beast gon’ give ‘em a chase.

Fuck you bitches, you can’t have Combahee, we’ll kill if it’s gotta be the case.

These bums tryna offer Colonists slaves freedom, they’re worthless for a reason.

And while I’m hittin’ shots from halfcourt, you miss lay-ups like Angel Reese and,

Your army’s so dogshit your best soldier is a mothafucka who committed treason.

Try me, bitches, fuck that’s it the 1700s, I drive a Chieftain.

Oh, yeah, and tell Henry Clinton he shoulda kicked the stool while he had the chance.

You need to realize you aren’t God himself just because Daddy had a lot of cash.

Damn, even your own continent against you, you gettin’ double-teamed by us and France.

I’m following in Sweden’s footsteps, powering my city by burning trash.

I’m talkin’ to you, Cornwallis, boi, I just laid pipe on Jemima while you yappin’.

Don’t act like you give a fuck ‘bout being cucked, you only give fuck ‘bout fappin’.

Fuck these kids fuckin’ ‘round the woods, snipe them out the air while they be campin’.

Yeah, you surrendered at Yorktown, guess Charlie’s a little scaredy-cat.

He wish he was a squirrel so his nuts would be played with, that’s a scary fact.

Bitch, my MAC got a hunnid rounds like my stacks, you ain’t even know how to use a gat.

Now the Brits runnin’ like it’s the Olympic 100-yard dash, call it a race between the rats.

Once the cops slide the name, the dumbasses are done, source of the next fatality.

I hope the opps die slowly in pain, I say that with full certainty and finality.

If you ever wondered why ain’t nobody stood up to me, it’s ‘cause they had a sense of sagacity.

Fuck theses bums arguin’ amongst themselves, leave no survivors once they brought back to reality.

And I heard Carleton and his cronies fled Savannah ‘cause they professional conflict avoiders.

And Cornwallis is still a little pussy, the fuck is he doing tryna be a Yorker?

But you can’t transform into respectable, name one of your non-braindead supporters.

Oh wait you can’t, that ‘cause every Loyalist is a mere dipshit.

Stackin’ Bens by the Benz, you would kill to become this rich.

Yeah, you’d never reach my level ‘cause unlike you, every rap of mine becomes a smash hit.

Yappin’ about how you gon’ overthrow me and shit, you really on that crack shit.

Fuck that I went against my home country, fuck those bums anyways.

Damn, do they suck like some vacuums, I’d take anyone else anyday.

They jealous of me, everything I do is so mind blowing they thought I was insane,

And when I make ‘em prisoners of war, I hope they get butt fucked by they fellow inmates.

Yeah, hope they receivin’ STDs with legs wide open ‘cause they got no catches still,

They fumble everything like it's the bag, you bums ain't got no skill.

My skills got mothafuckas swingin’ off the chandelier in my mansion, no Sia ‘cause we ain't lookin’ for no cheap thrills.

While the opps get shot out the sky like Andean Condors ‘cause they clearly popped one too many pills.

And I heard Lord North retired, he so pathetic he couldn’t even help the British of all countries.

If that boi was tellin’ the truth, he’d tell ya “John Laurens cucked me”.

Took his Anne, when she was married to Fred, she had ten Tyrones as fuck-buddies.

Fred just mad I’m better than him, he probably pays me since he’s a druggie.

Then your dumbasses sacrificed a quarter of your men for a courthouse, y’all experiencin’ some desperation.

Then we goin’ to your soldiers’ cemetery and we gon’ perform a lotta desecration.

Those bums deserve no respect, but you fuckers too stupid to come to such a realization.

Yeah, be quiet like some good boys, anyone that speaks up off they medication.

John Maitland just fuckin’ died, I hope it was because of all the STDs.

That’s the only way King George III could kill, and besides no one downloadin’ his shit to an MP3.

Bet Anna Rawle acts like she the OG Einstein and got a PHD, but I know it’s the LSD.

Watch her get off the hard substances then oversee her fail her GED.

Y’all took the slaves to decrease productivity rates, we’ll just make their lives even worse.

Motherfuckers gotta call the IRS, ‘cause Howe would be in debt if someone told him his worth.

The British don’t scare me at all, they’d die if they tried to make one half-decent verse.

Huh, Clinton been a bitch lately, so I had to cook up a dinner of steak and lobster.

Bitches I’m the reason they invented ‘Teflon’, there’s a reason I’m called Laurens The Mobster.

Because I pop the opp with the Glock, the rest of them just shoved pipsqueak into that locker.

My disses would give any vegan a heart attack, ‘cause it’s another mothafucka in the slaughter.

See you mothafuckas in Combahee just to get bounced because y’all are hell bound.

Leave a thousand rounds in this bitch, had to make ‘em crash and die ‘cuz they took the wrong route.

Quit actin’ like you won shit, you must be up in the clouds and so is your supportin’ crowd

And King George might have a toy crown, but he ain’t shit but a clown.

Back Then, motherfuckers

Whoever the British general that comin' to Combahee, prepare to die bitch.