I'm Alright

I lie in my bed at night and think to myself

why can’t i put to rest the mayhem that’s in my head

i guess i am just stressed and so i say to myself

it will be fine, its just a test, go to bed and get some rest

so i tuck myself in bed, 10th time since 10 PM

thinking this time i shall be able to rest, but i guess my head is in a mess so much so

its like checkers pieces on a the board that is meant for chess

so i push myself, and convince my head to go to sleep

its not deep, but still better than looking at the ceiling and thinking where’s my zeal to crack deals and why can’t I heal

and why do i feel so heavy in my knees

five hours later, i wake up and stand in front of a mirror

say life is great, its is going as planned my dear

don’t fret, there’s no threat, people care for you, take a breath

the fear’s only in your head, let it go, my friend

so i convince myself that all is well and decide to read something nice

or mince some meat and have it with rice

but instead i stay inside and as i reach for my chair

i sense an air of dispair and collapse near my chair

i open my front cam and see my eyes are blood red

maybe cause i hadn’t slept, but that was was lie i said

to myself, they were filled with tears that wanted to flow out

but they won’t came out, as if they weren’t allowed

so i rub my eyes and try to make them itch

i wanted to weep so bad as if i were a newborn kid

then thought that water needs to be stopped, so i closed the dam

cause if i cried, that meant that i was unfit to be a man

so i say fuck it and pulled up my laptop

open porn hub dot com and watch them tops drop

but it goes wrong cause i get a thought that’s too strong

beats me down so hard, felt like loki in hulk’s palms

i saw myself with a dummy wife in bed

what i also saw that i couldn’t get her wet

so she got up and said, which stuck in my head

“you are good for nothing, i don’t feel you ed”

“but babe why is that” “i don’t know it’s ain’t the same

you cannot fuck well, being proud of you is something i can’t claim

to be cause you don’t buy me gucci, and you never paid on 1st date

and never appreciate when i do the dishes, like i’m a maid

that’s it i’m done, i want to separate”

and that’s when i wake, sweat beads break

on my forehead as my phone rings

i see the caller id, and its my bestfriend jake

i hung up and then say imma call you back

go wash my hands, call a cab

and drive to my buddy’s and plan to grab a mac

we see each other and greet with a dab

he gives me hug, and a pat on the back

looks at my swollen face and dried up eye

asks what up bro you look sad, to which i calmly reply “nothing to worry, i’m alright”