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Lyrical Analysis of...

Storm -Tim Minchin 1/2

  1. In a North London, top floor flat
  2. All white walls, white carpet, white cat,
  3. Rice Paper partitions
  4. Modern art and ambition
  5. The host's a physician,
  6. Bright bloke, has his own practice
  7. His girlfriend's an actress
  8. An old mate of ours from home
  9. And they're always great fun
  10. So to dinner we've come.
  11.  
  12. The fifth guest is an unknown,
  13. The hosts have just thrown
  14. Us together for a favor
  15. because this girls just arrived from Australia
  16. And she's moved to North London
  17. And she's the sister of someone
  18. Or has some connection.
  19.  
  20. As we make introductions
  21. I'm struck by her beauty
  22. She's irrefutably fair
  23. With dark eyes and dark hair
  24. But as she sits
  25. I admit I'm a little bit wary
  26. because I notice the tip of the wing of a fairy
  27. Tattooed on that popular area
  28. Just above the derrire
  29. And when she says I'm Sagittarian
  30. I confess a pigeonhole starts to form
  31. And is immediately filled with pigeon
  32. When she says her name is Storm.
  33.  
  34. Conversation is initially bright and light hearted
  35. But it's not long before Storm gets started:
  36. You cant know anything,
  37. Knowledge is merely opinion
  38. She opines, over her Cabernet Sauvignon
  39. Vis vis,
  40. Some un hippily
  41. Empirical comment made by me
  42.  
  43. Not a good start I think
  44. We're only on pre dinner drinks
  45. And across the room, my wife
  46. Widens her eyes
  47. Silently begs me, Be Nice
  48. A matrimonial warning
  49. Not worth ignoring
  50. So I resist the urge to ask Storm
  51. Whether knowledge is so loose weave
  52. Of a morning
  53. When deciding whether to leave
  54. Her apartment by the front door
  55. Or a window on the second floor.
  56.  
  57. The food is delicious and Storm,
  58. Whilst avoiding all meat,
  59. Happily sits and eats
  60. As the good doctor, slightly pissedly
  61. Holds court on some anachronistic aspect of medical history
  62. When Storm suddenly insists
  63. But the human body is a mystery!
  64. Science just falls in a hole
  65. When it tries to explain the the nature of the soul.
  66.  
  67. My hostess throws me a glance
  68. She, like my wife, knows there's a chance
  69. That I'll be off on one of my rare but fun rants
  70. But I shan't ,my lips are sealed.
  71. I just want to enjoy my meal
  72. And although Storm is starting to get my goat
  73. I have no intention of rocking the boat,
  74. Although it's becoming a bit of a wrestle
  75. Because like her meteorological namesake
  76. Storm has no such concerns for our vessel:
  77.  
  78. Pharmaceutical companies are the enemy
  79. They promote drug dependency
  80. At the cost of the natural remedies
  81. That are all our bodies need
  82. They are immoral and driven by greed.
  83. Why take drugs
  84. When herbs can solve it?
  85. Why use chemicals
  86. When homeopathic solvents
  87. Can resolve it?
  88. I think it's time we all return to live
  89. With natural medical alternatives.
  90.  
  91. And try as I like,
  92. A small crack appears
  93. In my diplomacy dike.
  94. By definition, I begin
  95. Alternative Medicine, I continue,
  96. Has either not been proved to work,
  97. Or been proved not to work.
  98. Do you know what they call alternative medicine
  99. That's been proved to work?
  100. Medicine.
  101.  
  102. So you don't believe
  103. In ANY Natural remedies?
  104.  
  105. On the contrary, Storm, actually:
  106. Before I came to tea,
  107. I took a natural remedy
  108. Derived from the bark of a willow tree
  109. A painkiller that's virtually side effect free.
  110. Its got a weird name,
  111. Darling, what was it again?
  112. Maspirin?
  113. Baspirin?
  114. Aspirin!
  115. Which I paid about a buck for
  116. Down at the local drugstore.
  117.  
  118. The debate briefly abates
  119. As my hosts collects plates
  120. but when they return with desserts
  121. Storm pertly asserts,
  122.  
  123. Shakespeare said it first:
  124. ''There are more things in heaven and earth
  125. Than exist in your philosophy''
  126. Science is just how were trained to look at reality,
  127. It doesn't explain love or spirituality.
  128. How does science explain psychics?
  129. Auras; the afterlife; the power of prayer?
  130.  
  131. I'm becoming aware
  132. That I'm staring,
  133. I'm like a rabbit suddenly trapped
  134. In the blinding headlights of vacuous crap.
  135. Maybe it's the Hamlet she just mis quothed
  136. Or the fifth glass of wine I just quaffed
  137. But my diplomacy dike groans
  138. And the arsehole held back by its stones
  139. Can be held back no more:
  140.  
  141. Look ,Storm, I don't mean to bore you
  142. But there's no such thing as an aura!
  143. Reading Auras is like reading minds
  144. Or tea leaves or star signs or meridian lines
  145. These people aren't plying a skill,
  146. They are either lying or mentally ill.
  147. Same goes for peoplewho claim to hear Gods demands
  148. Or Spiritual healers who think they've got magic hands.
  149.  
  150. By the way,
  151. Why is it OK
  152. For people to pretend they can talk to the dead?
  153. Isn't that totally fucked in the head
  154. Lying to some crying woman whose child has died
  155. And telling her you're in touch with the other side?
  156. I think that's fundamentally sick
  157. Do we need to clarify that there's no such thing as a psychic?
  158. What, are we fucking 2?
  159. Do we actually think that Horton Heard a Who?
  160. Do we still think that Santa brings us gifts?
  161. That Michael Jackson didn't have facelifts?
  162. Are we still so stunned by circus tricks
  163. That we think that the dead would
  164. Wanna talk to pricks
  165. Like John Edward?
  166.  
  167. Storm to her credit despite my derision
  168. Keeps firing off clichés with startling precision
  169. Like a sniper using bollocks for ammunition
  170.  
  171. You're so sure of your position
  172. But you're just closed minded
  173. I think you'll find
  174. Your faith in Science and Tests
  175. Is just as blind
  176. As the faith of any fundamentalist.
  177.  
  178. "Wow, thats a good point, let me think for a bit"
  179. Oh wait, my mistake, its absolute bullshit.
  180. Science adjusts it's views based on what's observed
  181. Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved.
  182. If you show me
  183. That, say, homoeopathy works,
  184. Then I will change my mind
  185. I will spin on a fucking dime
  186. I'll be embarrassed as hell,
  187. But I will run through the streets yelling
  188. Its a miracle! Take physics and bin it!
  189. Water has memory!
  190. And while it's memory of a long lost drop of onion juice is Infinite
  191. It somehow forgets all the poo its had in it!
  192.  
  193. You show me that it works and how it works
  194. And when I've recovered from the shock
  195. I will take a compass and carve 'Fancy That' on the side of my cock.
  196.  
  197. Everyone's just staring now,
  198. But I'm pretty pissed and Ive dug this far down,
  199. So I figure, in for penny, in for a pound:
  200.  
  201. Life is full of mysteries, yeah,
  202. But there are answers out there
  203. And they won't be found
  204. By people sitting around
  205. Looking serious
  206. And saying isn't life mysterious?
  207. Let's sit here and hope
  208. Let's call up the fucking Pope
  209. Let's go watch Oprah
  210. Interview Deepak Chopra
  211.  
  212. If wanna watch tele, you should watch Scooby Doo.
  213. That show was so cool
  214. because every time there was a church with a ghoul
  215. Or a ghost in a school
  216. They looked beneath the mask and what was inside?
  217. The fucking janitor or the dude who ran the water slide.
  218. Because throughout history
  219. Every mystery
  220. EVER solved has turned out to be
  221. Not Magic.

By Anonymous

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