DEFENDER'S RAP

• Yo, what’s up, “Eminem17”? Bro, stop lyin’
• You the Great Value Shady, Dollar‑Tree iron.
• Your flow’s like Slim’s ghost, if he died uninspired,
• Rap so dry, your mic probably retired.
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• You flex “syntax” like you swallowed Rosetta,
• But rhyme “ricochet” again couldn’t do better?
• So many ’r’s and s’s, it sound like a swarm,
• Whole verse like a thesaurus in human form.
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• Bro, chill, we get it “splinter, shatter, severe,”
• But your bars got zero bite, just lyrical veneer.
• You talk “devilry” and “dizzying design,”
• But rhyme like a Dungeons & Dragons line.
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• You ain’t Shady you fifty shades of corny,
• More classroom poet than battle‑rap stormy.
• Every “vortex” you mention’s pure pretend,
• You rhyme in circles we all just waitin’ for the end.
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• “Mom’s spaghetti”? We know, we saw the meme
• You rap like TikTok stitched your dream.
• You spittin’ fast like speed’ll hide the lack,
• But all your “flow” just linguistic plaque.
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• You’ve got “chaos carpenter” bruh please stop,
• You build Lego castles out of rhyming slop.
• You name-drop “Eight Mile” like you lived the scene,
• But your “Detroit devil” was born on a Discord screen.
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• Your “verbal venom vending”? Straight vending machine,
• Put in a thesaurus, out pops rhyme routine.
• “Phrenulum firestorm”? My guy, for real?
• You Googled ‘mouth anatomy’ to make that appeal?
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• Your “rapid riddles ricochet” like BB pellets,
• Sound loud at first, then flop that’s the tellin’.
• You rhyme “vicious, vivacious, voracious” in bulk
• Congratulations, dawg, you just choked on your own pulp.
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• You pack “chaos,” “carnival,” “clattering crash,”
• But not a single punchline actually smashed.
• “Lose-yourself labyrinth”? You did in your bars,
• Still lookin’ for meaning while flexin’ Mars.
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• This ain’t Eight Mile it’s Elementary Rhymes,
• Recycling Slim’s slang for internet dimes.
• You're the Walmart Slim, on clearance sale,
• With a thesaurus tan and ghostwriter pale.
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• Your “Shady shadows” ain’t slick, they’re dull,
• Like your Spotify streams tragically null.
• You “vomit violent vortex”? That’s cute
• You sound like Dr. Seuss in a hazmat suit.
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• Every stanza screams, “Hear me please!”
• But your word salad’s just noise and cheese.
• Your flow’s so extra, it should pay rent,
• Every bar’s a flex but none make sense.
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• Face it, fam, you’re a parody glitch,
• Slim would ghost you mid-cypher, switch.
• You’re rap cosplay Marshall lite edition,
• A lyrical intern on indefinite mission.
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• So next time, drop “syntax” grab some soul,
• Write pain, not paragraphs with no goal.
• ’Cause you don’t rap hard, you type aggressively,
• Slim’s legacy ain’t meant for accessories.
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• Signed your lyrical mortician,
• Killing clones is a wholesome tradition.
• Now go “ricochet realities” all alone,
• While the real fans know: Slim stands alone.