DEFENDER'S RAP

• Just another day on the job...
• stopped my nemesis, a few men of his, and some other menaces,
• and on my way, saved an old lady gettin' robbed
• but fuck, this costume's itchy, and plus, it's a tad too silly
• it's also quite thrilling, and stopping these murderous villains makes me a damn killing,
• You'd think Super Strength would make me happy
• But goddamned Superman surpassed me.
• soon I will get revenge,
• I'll marry Lois Lane and then murder all his super friends
• So kids, don't miss the next issue, I'll be breaking into this bitch's igloo,
• looking for a zone I can kick this fuckin' dick into.
• Meanwhile, back at the Batcave, Robin is massagin' out Batman's back ache.
• Alfred's gone senile, but Gotham is awesome 'cause now you're not allowed out that late.
• And it's all thanks to me,
• stopped impending doom in an afternoon, soon I gave an amazing speech,
• and they raised a statue in my stature to commemorate my actions, too.
• Anyways, where's Aquaman when you need'em?
• Oh wait, you don't, any damn air-breathin' heathen can defeat 'im
• A man that fishy is iffy, we oughta just fry him up and eat him.
• I wonder why wonder woman's actin' like such a bitch,
• She used the lasso, but called me an asshole when I said to suck my dick
• And if you though that was quick, Don't even get me started on The Flash,
• I dusted his ass so fast in the hundred thousand meter dash that even Green Lantern laughed
• Turns out, he'd been doping from the get-go,
• I tried to help, but the Justice League had him let go
• I mean, what can you do?
• First this, now Hawkman's gettin' trapped in the zoo
• Bam, Wham, Pow, Boom
• It's hard to stop me when I can lift ten tons
• But honestly, it's all in good fun.
• I'd rather not worry, take a nap on the sun
• but this time Superman came back with a gun