DEFENDER'S RAP

• //0:24//
• I used to act like everything was perfect,
• Needing reassurance cause my brains assuring me that I'm not worth it.
• Intrusive thoughts in my mind keep me heading to bed,
• Cause my head's in a state worrying about the next day ahead.
• Ask Fred? Talk to frank. Have you got money in the bank? You're falling behind your peers, at least, that's what they said.
• Sometimes, it really feels like there's a knifes in my chest,
• Blood pumps through my veins clawing for another breath.
•  
• Don't stress. You're good. You've got this you said,
• But it's a one sided battle between your mind and your head.
• How many times you tell these lies to try curb all the dread,
• Think back to the bad ones and the thoughts will get fed.
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• You've denied these thoughts for too long, so strong, that they turn physical,
• I'm physically sick and my demeanor turns miserable.
• Don't wanna be a burden, round the issue you've been skirting, cause they could never understand what its been like at all.
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• Anxiety, for me, is not what I wanted to be,
• Filled my life full of strife since I was 18.
• But I guess that I'll never be rid of it,
• Cause this guy's stuck with me and it's not finished yet.
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• But on my side of things I'm not down and out,
• Drinking up this flood of thoughts til the water becomes a drought.
• I'm in a year long heavyweight bout,
• Eating punches every day sometimes out for the count.
•  
• Occasionally it turns in to rage,
• but know the guilt that I'll feel when we're chill and we've turned the page.
• I know a few things bout it but don't claim to be a sage,
• that rage is a release of the beast who's been feastin in his cage.
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• The thoughts, stresses, pains all feed it,
• I guess some help might be needed.
• For some it's a fad, but for people like me it's real,
• the attractiveness of victimhood to me just does not appeal.
•  
• These lines aren't about that,
• it's about how I feel.
• Both the physical and mental effects, keep me vexed asking why me tho?
• But it could be anyone?
• Used to love the spotlight but now i stay away from the front.
•  
• To be blunt, I just hope this helps someone, or helps my friends and family understand this shit wasn't planned.
• but it is a part of me now.
• All I ask is that you listen, digest and maybe I'll find a way through it... somehow.