DEFENDER'S RAP

• E-Z-Khay
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• Sitting alone in this echo chamber, surrounded by the scent of gas
• A canary trapped in an iron box, hearing the gears as the minute's pass
• His heart was frozen solid, no matter how they chipped hopin' for his skin to crack
• Jail-house visitations, in every situation, felt he was putting fists to glass, he couldn't relax
• Taking detours to avoid the masses, fingers clenched tight in both annoyance and sadness
• She had locked down his emotions for so long
• He eloped with the madness within his soul, he was so gone
• When the two became one, he crafted the mesh between them
• When she appeared in front of the crowds for his shows, you could almost half expect to see him
• Demon tracks racing up and down his arms, where the needle would choose to meet him
• Until his flesh turned pallid, and all the malice inside chose to greet him, well above the surface
• Undertow pulling him down into the deep abyss, Mariana's Trench where he was carried by currents
• Though he was nervous from the disturbance, he slipped beyond the defensive deterrents
• Breaking the plane of the water's silence, he heard nothing that would leave him encouraged
• He felt no bravery, only a broken heart with jagged edges
• To get every point across, he stumbled into his bag of ideas where his last regrets lived
• He had the lead he was bringing to their inner circle, so he had the tools needed to past the test
• Repairs took their toll, where a beating heart once stood there's only a hole
• Viewed through a remote lens, his thoughts alone maintained their hold until he regained control
• He had spoken his words out of bitterness, for her deceit had driven him to the cliff
• Staring down into the swirling suds and seafoam green waves, his body was positioned there, stiff
• He said "life with her isn't a life I choose to live" and he turned to the sky and grinned
• Taking his final breath, and with a single unfaltering step, he fell from the rocks
• Disappearing in the wind
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• Neo Arno
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• I'm in the same circle in this wheel of life
• I'm looking up to God my only beam of light
• The fact of the matter is I lost a fight
• So now my cowardice is justified
• I'm sleepless, I've been eating less
• And I tried to cheat friends and not make amends
• Making the same mistakes through different situations
• It's funny how my selfishness blocked out all my senses
• You can't fight depression in a house of sadness
• I keep getting bricked every hour its madness
• I don't trust people so I keep it inside
• My own beast is sacred, too many fakes are nearby
• At times it seems like I'm addicted to struggle
• Should I dig out the past or bury me with the shovel
• The dirt's bitter either way at least I'll get used to it
• What is the right step, is that the best use of it
• Or should I wait it out, in case I get cleansed from it
• The same message sticks, to care for my next of kin
• So what happens next, what am I deciding
• Can I drown if I'm driving, will my actions then backspin
• Nowhere to go but up, ironic it seems
• Why would I hate being me chasing my dreams
• In this game, you never know whose name could come up
• The way tables turn, I have coulda been much worse
• I might be all the time unsafe on the line
• But I stay on the grind, taking back what's mine, it's my life
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• PsychoPuppet
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• Nowadays I waste these long hours locked in an ancient clocktower
• Saw out the window once, years ago, but the chimes’ clang just got louder
• Rode the wave with no top down, can I go back? Should I look forward?
• I look for words to describe how I feel inside, a livin corpse with no mourners
• Liquid sword cuts itself, and so I sit alone in that old corner
• Wishin for permission to scream, I can only dream of no more torture
• My prose is silenced and I’m forced to close my eyelids
• I see through damaged lenses, our golden standards of gore and violence
• First it was a war in my mind and now the Coronavirus
• But the war rages on, will I wake at dawn or will there be no survivors?
• I’m a broken man, tired, no more power, ready to throw the towel into the flames
• A sacrifice to a happier afterlife, I pity the fool who remembers my name
• I’m constantly haunted by the past and afraid of the future
• The outside world around me drowns at sea as I’m contained by computers
• Kill me now but don’t let me die, I ain’t in the mood to awake with a tumor
• I’m still that happy go lucky child at heart, age is a rumor
• Any way the wind blows, but I go against the current currently
• I question everything, miss when absurdity was obscured for me
• Should I learn to earnestly fight or lurch towards the light, towards another day full of fun!
• “STOP!”
• I fear death and see the light in a different light...
• Take a deep breath...
• And be brave, little one
• Why so glum? Trust me, our best days have yet to come
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• Maverick
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• Depression got me stressing over little things, will it lessen I don't know
• Is this a lesson to my transgressions, a middle finger from my ghosts? Inglorious I breathe, hiding in my notebooks so my soul has somewhere to bleed
• Like bandages for fresh wounds, right next to the old ones I guess that's why these scars keep opening – Tears at the seams,
• It's to read these, words blurred by running streaks
• That's almost exactly my reality of what people see, wondering why no one talks to me asking how I feel,
• When I'm open book! I'm just hard to read.
• Why am I so emotional, maybe I need some sleep? Maybe I shouldn't easily ignore these inner weeps, maybe it enhances the sadness I'd subconsciously always sweep,
• Under the rug like something I cannot clean
• I'm direly in need, I'm dying inside, I don't wanna speak about what's on my mind cuz you'd either cry or ostracize me even more if you'd find out what's beneath...
• Honestly I'm not okay, I'm not alright, the pain it lingers deep inside
• No one cares 'less timing's right, praying and waiting they say these great things, out of sight
• I can't help but ruminate, even if the pessimism rings true to life
• Our boats may not be the same, but we're both trying to stay above the water line
• You're destined to be great.
• I don't know who needs to hear this tonight, but there's no pressure to change
• Try to identify what's getting in the way, and fight the good fight,
• Even if for the moment you have to train, we all have demons to exercise, but slow and steady wins the race, so give it time.
• Think of it this way: All those dark and desperate times, of sleepless nights you stayed awake,
• Wishing you could just die, with nowhere to escape, I'd rather have that sad memory I left behind,
• Than to no longer live to see another day.
• Than to no longer see a smile on my mama's face, I can't lie, I know the struggle either way, when the suffering won't subside, what's it worth to endure another day?
• Every single time you cried, you thought you'd never be okay, but how many times did you accidentally smile, since you last said those thangs?
• Thoughts of suicide, it's a disease we've all been plagued, I don't believe you'll win
• I KNOW you WILL
• Just please reach out if you feel this way.