CHALLENGER'S RAP

• //Optional: Instrumental is to be played AFTER the lyrics.
• As a youngin' I couldn't find myself, at times loneliness was all I felt, cracking the blinds watching the world go by within those walls was hell.
• Insults lit the fire, it molded a writer, outta me 'n my ultimate goal's to inspire, even if your story is only slightly approximate,
• So let me tell this tale of back when I lived on that 787; desolation set in
• Couldn't accept the fate of my mental state, unwellness, no one but my self to blame directly
• Only I sought the inent to cage myself up and make self-effacing efforts,
• Although retrospective acknowledgement says: I was a "product of my environment"
• Mama's denigrations stressful, my father and I's tension strained perspective.
• Ennui to eunoia; wherever the trauma-lays "Uh, let's try-malaise" I could hardly ever explain depression,
• Self-deprecating rebel, suppressin' anger, I eventually caved 'n let in to the Devil's game of temptin'.
• With that all being said, let's fast forward to when the family-doctor said –
• Suggesting my current condition's diagnostic was likely Spasmodic Torticollis, wrenched
• Neurologic stress. Living with Abilify's side effects,
• Them antipsychotic meds, the same antipsychotic meds that got banned from every market under the pharmacologists
• The same antipsychotic meds I didn't deserve of swallowing...
• If some of my earlier followers never knew what "Oz" had meant...
• Hypochondriacal. Forgot my intent, reverse psychology? Hadn't sought the best, my emotions were internally haunting me
• Wanted attention, no high from them so as far as a "buzz" goes it's just spectators that grow concernment watching me
• I was wronged of meds 'n I cannot condemn as it was Self Sabotage instead...
• Fuck if it ain't cerebral palsy, it's cervical trauma, I learned a lot from me,
• Even if now my nerves are shot and it physically hurts intolerably...
• Over these 3½ years it's worsened 'n I feel like I robbed myself of my own personal belongings
• Insecure when someone speaks to me on the right side of me; I have to turn my whole body
• There's days I immerse my thoughts to feelings and yearn my spine to heal,
• Today? I swerved my car to steer... Almost clipped by a semi-truck – out my peripheral, he honked at me.
• Will it ever-end, through my endeavors I'm showing every person who disregarded me
• I still feel enormous ambition burn inside of me, curable or incurable? I gotta see.
• Now this ain't nothing you've ever heard befo' – as I open up,
• It's Cervical Dystonia, my sterno' be pulling, vertebral catatonia,
• Neural-agoraphobia, every person knows I'm lonelier than a lone wolf with indiscernible coyote blood
• Kept Endurance in my personal utopia, still, my sternal-explosive pumps internal hope – exposing guts
• Spilt, is it permanently irreversible or is there surgically a formula?
• Asking myself if my journey's purposeful or will the story bum,
• In the end, I'm not dead, yet, I believe in workin' towards goals 'n such
• So what that suburban home in Foley brung, is a blessing in disguise;
• I turned the purple-prose in poems up; 'cause when I'm perfervid I'm rosier,
• 'N I deserve my own encomium with this albatross carried 'round my necklace
• Clara's House, regretful, it's my fault so why am I bitching about depression?
• "Imaginary mouths." Forget it, 'twas patricidal angst just to oust aggression
• Count your blessings 'n compare a curse, I won't spare a bird this January 3rd. I begin the neck injections – the medallion squawks,
• This is my story of Self Sabotage... Soon I vow 'n pledge to finally hold this dead albatross.