DEFENDER'S RAP

• why should I try so hard to make you happy?
• I suffer with depression and still manage
• so screw you I've been through it
• so just try to step to my shit
• I got counselors saying they don't understand me
• I got family saying they love me but no one really knows me
• I got a razor blade when I want to feel something close to me
• Bitch take just a step in my shoes then try to judge me
• all my life I've been searching for meaning
• trying to fit in I broke my moral compass
• now my world is leaning
• constantly I'm falling
• people call my name to come back but I'm to far gone
• Depression is a diseases
• fuck Bitch you think you can heal me?
• many have tried before
• I'm still me
• even if you have me choke down all the fucking narcotics in the store
• I punch a wall until my hand is bleeding and sore
• then brake my wrist as I shout... one more!
• I harm myself in the physical
• to distract from the pain that comes from my imbalance chemical
• scratching at my arms with my nails till they scar me
• cutting with the blade I'm bleeding
• applying pressure to just the right places
• the pain is no longer mentally numbing
• this isn't me being suicidal
• this is me hating myself so much that I know I deserve this pain
• I don't take the easy way out
• fuck your bullet to the brain
• I fear so often that I am insane
• seeing things move that are always in the same place
• or things there like a mirage they never were
• the institution would be the best place for me to reside
• but I would rather sit and deny
• claim that I'm all right
• self harming through the night
• then in the day cover and hide
• even wear a mask so you don't see the monster that I keep inside
• bitch don't peek
• I don't even want to see
• because I don't even want to be
• ME