It started when I was five

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unsuspected_'s Notes

umm i did this pretty quick so I might go back and edit it

It all started when I was five, he said "I have a surprise"
Little did I know, I would hate myself more and more as I would grow
He said we were "playing", ever since then I've been praying
Praying that the memory of those four long years would go, no, I'll remember every day after tomorrow
Eight years older than me but he still wanted to touch my fucking body
I was only five, I hide all my depression and traumatization behind a litter of lies
I fucking hate myself for not telling anyone, I want to shoot myself in the head with a gun
It's not like they would believe me, he just walks the streets freely
Every time I see him, I wish I was taken away by the Grim
He tries to touch me, I can't breathe or see, I'm filled with anxiety
Every other night I curl up and cry, they ask me if I'm okay I lie
He ruined my innocent years, the innocence traded with tears
All my prayers are ignored, all of my emotions are stored away
Still to this day, he tries to ask if I "want to play"
He's 21 now, I don't know if I can live another day, I will kill myself, I vow
This is all over the place but I need to get it out
I get tunnel vision and I can't breathe, all of my problems and insecurities are hidden behind my teeth
I can only get away from the pain when there are red lines on my shirt, red blood stains
I can't let anybody see underneath my sleeves, they'll call me a freak
It started when I was five, lead on til I was about nine
He said that we were just playing, fuck no my hearts racing, he touched me and I can't forget that. Help me. Help me. Help me.
I can't tell my family because as of now, they're living happily
I'm just so scared I need someones help
This isn't a ploy for attention, I just can't live with myself
His grimy hands all over me, fuck my life. My life was over by the time I turned five.

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unsuspected_
Member since December 10 2020

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