Stan the 'bad guy'

Stan are you listening, I'm sure your headphones are perked, upon your Mickey Mouse ears like a bird on a perch, whistling every tune to the bars and the verse, I know hearing some beats, are a blessing, not a curse, even though some sure brought out the hurt.

I know 'it's been awhile' since I've written, but some times words are like puzzles ya don't fit in, tongue twisted, tied, and bitten, alot on my mind lately to these sheets, I'm bed ridden.

Do your thoughts like mine run circles like a wheel of fortune marathon, stuck looking at four corners of a blank page til your stare is gone.

Wake up around the same time realizing you never fell asleep, sleepwalking while awake maybe lifes a daydream?

Some days I spit til my mouth flows dry, other times quite or come off a bit shy, even I don't know me ,some days, you relate, what a surprise.

Use to feeling like a butterfly stuck in my caccoon, then you came and showed me I had wings, so I was heading for the moon.

Times I felt I was free falling into a black hole, felt like puddy with no way to break out of that mold, crawl out of the crevices, when I felt I wanted to just fold, made me look up, cuz stars shine brighter than any of Earth's gold.

I watched how you've kneeded and mended and tended with compassion, saw the difference in a presence with different interactions, inner actions, fixed the divided fractions, fractals of me became re-intacted.

Often misunderstood but I don't need understanding just a support beam, the kind that stayed standing.

Most crumble to rubble, not subtle or humble, most wanna touchdown, get the mic, and still fumble.

I never wrote here for reputation, didn't even come here for hobby or recreation, came here cuz no judgements and segregation, most see white girl from my town....hesitation.

Call me sass mouth but mostly sarcasm, say some shit but not really throwing harm at em, the way I speak not many can fathom,aquired persona, but here's my 2 cents, you can have em.

So many words in various degrees of meanings, taught ambiguous, but to who's screenings, perceptions or believings, is it really what we need or is it just what they're streaming.

All these networks like spiders, seen how they prop and ganda, taking a gander and propping to stand ya, fill up the stands , draining you off all stamina.

Yeah monkey see, monkey do, blind leads, blind, so who's following who.

Like they say I'm rubber your glue, I'm not neither, compounded of a different kinda attitude, not this shit man scratch that dude.

I often find myself wondering this empty two storied mind, like a once busy gold town, now an abandoned, cold, mine.

But the hyped dyed down, I've cleaned up and replaced, repaired and gotten it back into shape, you showed me not all heroes need to show off their capes, some just find other ways to help others escape.

Lately staying focused is like juggling when your drunk, or getting the elephant in the room to fit in the trunk, trying to put crumbs back together and end up breaking off more chunks.

They act like being organized and memorizing, are talents, I say they go together like y'all can't see that balance?

I always feel like an odd ball, thinking about some off the wall, call me a rabbit, but I don't hip hop at all.

It's like these cartoons I see, play in reels, I don't need t.v. my imagination is beyond HD for reals.

Stay in a bunch of hypothetics, most unprobable, situations prostetics, some so bad they should post up on Reddit, some so funny like a comedian should have said it.

I've studied and watched and admired these styles, back and forth, related to more steps than eight miles (albums) and my love of artists the list amounts in over 5000 files.

Some I've tried to hit stop but all I got were hexagons, and everyone wonders where my give a hecks have gone, pausing these curses cuz sometimes the hurts to strong.

It's like these emotions cross contaminate, they glitter not from gold but from how shine reflects off laminates.

I often spent time observing and obsessing, the absurd things they leave oblivious or unaddressing.

If there is a God and you happen to see him before I, could you just let em know you weren't such a bad guy, misunderstood, neglected, but you have grown inside, and there was a real you somewhere once the venom subsides.

To often as of late I've noticed shifts in energy, somehow it's steering me, unfolding spiritually, seeing spirits, breathe, old ghosts now appear to me.

Skeletons in the closet recently packed up and vacated, call to send a postcard from the grave, they finally made it, rest in peace to all my dearly belated.

Do you have the time White Rabbit? Pardon my pen, but following you through deepened holes had us Stan'n out again, acting all frustrated and belligerent, seen all the aggression, and so we mirror imaged it.

So many of us going bananas and slip'n on the peels, tryna keep us steady and caught up on our bills, while many also out there drunk, strung out, or popping multi pills.

Damn I just wish everyone could chill, for real, we all got free will, but all they focus on, is kill or be killed, cup half empty or full, either way it can get spilled, ya feel.

They can't dig in the dirt I do, they can't spit such hurt'n truth, virtues, apologies, advancly if any hurt you, but that's just how real life is boo.

Hope y'all all take it easy and always strive, if ya wanna be better, alive, and thrive, don't get boxed in here with these centralized, they all center around distraction and lies.

No one's alone, only occasionally physical, but emotions and imagination, is what keeps the mind mystical, sometimes it's just touching the mind astral, spiritual.

Remember when you wanted to die cuz Em never hit you back, that's how I was feeling, til I related to your track, see man pain I played that, real life, no staged crap.

Seen your progress after struggles, seen you breakout of your troubles, if anyone deserves a second chance, you definitely deserve double.

Hope your well and all is fine, everything all good in this world of mine, wherever you be, I hope you shine, just remember if they don't see you from inside, they must be blind.