depressive (prod. depression swe...

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I miss finding a sort of solace in the rain

I miss crying Im so exhausted of the pain
I miss silence its something talking in my brain

an inner monologue that up and takes my oxygen away
I miss being happy at church

The preacher lied to me
Since I was 9 I’ve had existential anxiety
I miss Lincoln logs and see saws and hide and seek
They told me grow up be a man I never really tried to be
I miss when back in school my adjective was gifted

Now that I’m in college I feel average and conflicted

I don’t think I have it in me to be actively persistent

I’m busy convincing myself I’m an actual musician

I miss when other rappers showed me what they make

They think I rode in on their wave but I’m just floating in their wake

I dip my toes in just to show them I can hold my own and take

a couple notes and ask some questions but I never show restraint

I miss my girl I miss my friends I miss my foes

I miss my life I miss the highs amidst the lows

I miss the times when I felt like I had a home

I miss when crowds of people didn’t make me feel alone

I never sleep till I’m collapsing from exhaustion

I was following my dreams with hella passion but I lost it

Now this music just a coping mechanism do it often

Got to throw myself in something more productive than a coffin
fuck it I don't care no more I've given up on subtlety
cause If I don't say it out loud they scream it under me
Yeah I said what I said so let it fucking be
Its like God said drown then never let me up to breathe
So look, I'm fucking manic depressive
I have my good days and bad weeks
That lack any spectrum
Getting offended takes some effort so I'm passive aggressive
And I ain't sad I'm indifferent I watch my life from a distance

I put the par in pariah

I put the sigh in messiah

People praise my old music back when I was a liar

I put my life on the line and I wanna take it all back

Wish I could think how I act but its acting and fuck I’m tired

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Member since November 5 2013

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