I'm sorry...

Never really shared this with anyone but a few times.

But I'm living a life that wasn't supposed to see sunshine.

I'm sure y'all heard of the bombing that happened in my town.

I was only five but I remember walking those grounds.

I remember meeting Santa Clause I attended daycare.

I remember a few friends and the feelings of playing there.

My ma was running errands to social security that morning.

So we didn't make it but they made headlines, top story.

I pretend it never happened and never tell a soul.

It pains me to have survived this sort of trauma blow.

That time is this day like every year where I fake a smile and pushed, burying tears.

But it gets to me the closer the day gets, and I see my teacher and friends with regrets.

I never went to the memorial I attempted it once, but we got to the fenceline and I was done.

I lost it, I think about how it was unfair I survived like Ya know I don't even deserve this life.

I think about thier families and see the pictures, flashing on the screen man I need a fixture.

Can't mend that type of pain I'm sure not many relate but I wanted to get it off my chest cuz this baggage's starting to weigh.

I would tell them I'm sorry this tragedy happened to end their smiles but I'll never forget the way I felt seeing it in piles.

Crushed and destroyed such beautiful souls, many ages passed but each one of them was gold.

Taken with no thoughts just killed for no cause, wish they'd felt the pain of the same type they caused.

Conspiracy bull..bologna, always pointing a blame, it doesn't even matter only the lives that they take.

It's all in the past but every year I see them all again and I wish I'd disappear.

I wanna hug them all tight and their families, am I lucky to be here it's a debate I ain't handling.

Some say I was special, a reason I was kept, bit at what cost do I have to pay over and over this debt.

I can't fathom my own emotions at this point but I'm at a crossroads and my intersections, unconjoined.